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The “I Can Handle It” Kind of Person

Have you ever been the person who thinks:

“I'll figure it out.”

“I don't need help.”

“Let me try once more.”

And somehow, one more try becomes months of doing the same thing?

I have.

And recently, I started questioning why.

Maybe it wasn't confidence

I always thought I was simply independent.

I liked figuring things out myself.

I liked knowing that I could handle things without depending on someone.

Maybe growing up as the responsible one had something to do with it.

Being careful.

Being responsible.

Trying not to create problems.

Getting used to handling things yourself.

And slowly, “I can handle it” becomes less of a choice and more of an identity.


Then came the excuses

Take my relationship with food.

I'd decide:

“I'll eat properly from tomorrow.”

Then I'd skip meals.

Stay hungry.

Try to control everything.

Eventually get extremely hungry and eat junk.

And then...

I was busy.

I didn't have time.

Today was different.

I'll start tomorrow.

I could give myself a hundred reasons.

But one day I wondered:

Who am I explaining all this to?

Nobody else was keeping score.

It was me.


And then there was something more complicated

My experience with bulimia made my relationship with food even more complicated.

It wasn't simply:

“I made a bad choice.”

There were emotions, stress, situations and patterns that I didn't always know how to deal with.

Sometimes I genuinely didn't feel completely in control.

And I don't want to turn that into an excuse.

But I also don't want to pretend it was simply a matter of “just have more discipline.”

It was complicated.


And that's when I started noticing something bigger

We all have different ways of coping.

Some people eat.

Some stop eating.

Some smoke.

Some drink.

Some shop.

Some scroll for hours.

Some work constantly.

Some become obsessed with exercise.

Some keep themselves busy because being alone with their thoughts is uncomfortable.

Different behaviour.

Sometimes the same purpose:

“I just need to feel better for a while.”

And maybe that's the part we don't always notice.


But when does coping become a problem?

Something can give you temporary relief and still hurt you later.

That's the uncomfortable part.

You know it isn't helping.

You regret it afterwards.

But when that difficult feeling comes back...

you do it again.

Not necessarily because you don't know better.

Sometimes because the relief in that moment feels more important than the consequence later.


I think I misunderstood both things

I thought being capable meant:

“I should be able to handle this myself.”

And I thought knowing something was bad meant:

“I should be able to stop doing it.”

Neither is always true.

You can be capable and still need help.

You can understand your behaviour and still struggle to change it.

You can have a genuine reason for something and still need to take responsibility for what happens next.

Understanding yourself isn't the same as excusing yourself.


So what am I actually trying to say?

Not that everyone needs help with everything.

Not that every bad habit is an addiction.

Not that stress automatically causes unhealthy behaviour.

And definitely not that we should blame ourselves for things we genuinely couldn't control.

I'm saying:

Maybe we should become a little more curious about ourselves.

Instead of only asking:

“Why did I do this?”

Maybe ask:

“What was I trying to get from this?”

Comfort?

Control?

Distraction?

Relief?

Validation?

Escape?

And then:

“Is this actually helping me, or am I just temporarily making the feeling quieter?”


Maybe being the “I can handle it” person isn't the problem.

Maybe the problem is believing that we have to handle everything alone.

And maybe coping isn't the problem either.

We all need ways to get through difficult days.

The real question is whether the way we're coping is eventually helping us move forward...

or quietly keeping us in the same place.

So, honestly—

What is something you keep telling yourself you can handle?

And what is something you keep doing because, for a little while, it makes everything else feel easier?

Maybe those are two questions worth sitting with.

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